It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Just tell your wife to stay in the car because you are self conscious about drinking infront of her. Now you have a DD AND we can still have a good time.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Randomize
