Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
That's not as bad as watching a dumb ass drunk peeing into your window fan -
Meanwhile I'm working a fucking flute workshop and I'm one high c away from shoving a flute up the asshole of the next passerby
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
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