Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Ok I have to ask, whose idea was it to used crushed up norcos as margarita salt? And what did they say to convince everybody else to think it was a good idea?
You're on Grindr at the STD clinic. I love you.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
I think someone is dead in a car across the street
Scratch that, dude's getting a blow job
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