i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
How come the only thing we can do right in our lives is drugs?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
I told him I wanted to have sex to "halleluiah", he suggested the poke-rap.
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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