Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Trying to find a reliable dealer on Rockfordmugshots.com. Guy arrested for 15 grams of coke could be him !
You realize those people have been ARRESTED recently. right.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
HAMMERED.. I made a peanut butter and jelly sandwich with toilet paper instead of bread...
You'll be pleased to know I just had an elaborate day dream about your penis. you were there too.
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