When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
Randomize
