she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
I was figuring I'd break up with her after work, but before Taco Tuesday
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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