I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
I can't believe I'm going to buy bitcoin to pay for erection pills
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I got eaten out in the igloo at snow-kings castle last night.My thighs were literally melting ruts in the ice bench.Definitely colder than the minus 40 blowjob at Desiree's wedding
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