why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
i've never heard her scream louder than when the koreans scored. what am i lacking in bed?
Headed to the bar now. If I smell faintly of latex and tuna, it's just the new scent I'm trying.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
We got to the party at eleven, and the host was already in the hospital from being stabbed. And she brought the stabber home with us when we left.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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