at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Randomize
