When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
If you try to operate on me with a Bic pen and vodka, I'm never talking to you again
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I JUST WANTED TO GET SOME MOTHER FUCKING TACOS I AM SINGLE AS FUCK TACOS BRING PREOPLE TOGETHER OKAY
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
Dude, running 15 min late.
Let's play a game, you pay for all the drinks I can finish before you get here. Go.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
