Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
he saw my boobs and came all over himself... there goes my whole night.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I was out of breath when we were getting started and he offered me his inhaler so he's a keeper
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
Spencer just told me I got home and was opening beers with my teeth and trying to make pot butter
Randomize
