I want to stick my p in your. b.
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
Randomize
