I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
we have a love-hate relationship...we love having sex but hate waking up next to eachother
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
Randomize
