I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
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