I just used a tire swing as a toilet. I think I'm gonna pass out here so I can see the look on the first kid who uses it in the morning.
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
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