Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
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