She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
No fucking Jell-O shots or meth. Those are the rules
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
