best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
are you listening to the theme from Jurassic Park whilst pooping?
So I've reached a new low. After completing my walk of shame and being told "see you around", I took off my heels to discover he had came in my shoe.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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