can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
if i drink i'll go into liver failure but ok
totally worth it, dude its $1 pbr
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
Randomize
