bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
Advice for you. Never grate cheese on your counter then not cleanup the scraps, then have your bf over and endup having sex on the counter. Theres literally cheese melted in and around my ass.
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Well I want to be mistreated and called a slut and finger banged
But I guess hugs would be nice
Randomize
