with your own penis?
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
it's a "shave your legs in the cvs bathroom" kind of night
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
