You know your creepy when you look at recently tagged facebook photos of girls you want to hook up with and they include prom pictures
I'm sorry my penis didn't work
im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
