Dude, I think my check liver light just came on
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm 99% sure I just flashed my dad with my vagina. So that's the new low now.
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
Your cousin just directly asked you for nudes
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
