Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
YOU'D BE LIKE A MERMAID! I'll bring you coffee filters to cover your tits.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
