dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I'm pretty sure we've had sex a bunch more times than we've hugged. So hugs are weird when they happen.
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
so... i have a picture of you and three other girls making kissy faces at this giant stuffed banana you're holding. however, you seem to be violently screaming at it.
Those bitches did NOT have my back.
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