You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
and my attempt at hiding my drunkness from my parents included walking into the wall as soon as they let me into the house.
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Speaking of boners I learned how to say " jizz everywhere" in sign language
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
Randomize
