hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
If the cops knock on your door and ask if you saw anyone throw an orange out the window I was never there.
I don't think it counts as a booty call at 6:30 pm.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
Randomize
