Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I wish you could be here to assess my herpes before he gets here.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Randomize
