The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
Apparently he got pepper spray on his dick. So he's a literal fire crotch.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
You tell anyone I'm rocking out to Pitbull in an economy, base-model car, I'll kill you.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
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