if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
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