nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
Single schmingle. No one actually obeys the relationship boundaries these days. Its 2009.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
You were running around waving the flier in everyone's face and thats how we ended up in a church eating free breakfast tacos at 3 am
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
Randomize
