They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I've been at work for less than an hour and have pooped twice already. That's what happens when you start sleeping with your roommate and don't want to use the bathroom at home anymore.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
In my opinion the party was fun, but i did A LOT of cocaine so my view was a little distorted......
Specially since he wanted to forget that we even touched, which makes it funnier because I don't think you can take back licking someone's butthole...
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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