That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
HE STARTED HUMMING THE THEME TO STAR WARS!! WHILE I'M SUCKING HIS DICK!!
I still have a little drunk in my system
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
ok morning sex is a totally valid reason to come in late... ur good, cya in 20
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
