I need a slap back to reality. Or at least a slap back to homosexuality
DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
sorry about having a shotput competition with your microwave, seemed like a good idea at the time
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
So I just realized I have three bananas, seven condoms, three lube packets, three tampons, and a shot glass in my bag but no pen #modelstudent
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Randomize
