2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
My hand turned me down
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Listen. I'm a changed woman. I have no problem using him for sex.
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
do you think there's enough of the fabric you gave me to make a crop top for a cat?
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
Randomize
