dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Holy Hangover.. I'm marrying whoever put this water by my bed
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize
