therell be strippers and coke right?
no strippers. just coke.
i hate this fuckin recession
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Just mindlessly walked into the mens bathroom. My vagina has now become its own independent being, looking for penises. I'm just along for the ride.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Randomize
