My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Let's just say it was like a porno version of Aladdin....
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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