it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
Randomize
