What a fucking waste of an outfit
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
his name is not nearly as fun as i thought to yell out in bed
New handbag passed the ultimate test. The walk of shame. I had a bra, tights, skirt, shirt & sweater in it and you couldn't tell. yessss.
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
Actually, what with the curvature of the Earth, it's faster to leave from Washington. And Google maps recommends kayaking instead of swimming.
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I told the cop to try walking in heels and he'd understand why I was walking home without then on. He told me he only does that on Wednesdays.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
The uberlube is also flammable
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Randomize
