shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
Sorry I never got back to you. I got high. I know it sounds like a commercial or something... but its true
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
