There is a stranger person in my roommates bed...
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Wow. The LSU Tennessee game is on here and the LSU cheerleaders are stupid hot. Its weird having a hard on. At a bar. On a Wednesday. By yourself.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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