Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
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