Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
some drunk bitch driving a golf cart ran over the live band... its bad.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
