bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
He's in a nude suit, bald, with a pink headband and a black sharpie streak down his forehead.
Someone's shaving their pubes at work every Monday and it's starting to piss me off
I mean come on
...I'm not a booty call or a pizza...you can't just call/text and expect to be eating me in an hour..
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
You had me at "let me see your balls"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
im ready to get drunk and forget everything ive learned this semester
Randomize
