He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
I was talking to a guy at my work, and mid-sentence he started vomiting violently for about five minutes, then he said, " great dope" and carried on like nothing had happened.
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
It is not if she takes a guy home Karaoke night. It is how many.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
YOU ARE STRONGER THAN YOUR VAGINA
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
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