I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
