I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
I am pretty sure the guy in the stall two dwn from me is jerking it...seriously
you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
For the record, it's NEVER ok to discuss my stripper-related injuries with my fiance.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
OMG OMG OMG I just throwed up in his pillow case when he wentto start the sho wer, time to grab my bra and bounce!!!
Wow.
Randomize
