Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
Apparently during my blackout I walked over to Troy, grabbed my crotch, and said “Eat Fresh” while his GF was with him. FML
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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