genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
what part of 'taking a night off' includes MDMA in your world?
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
some how during sex we caught an ENTIRE pillow on fire. A WHOLE PILLOW.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
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