Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Randomize
