Don't bone anyone, just think of ur vibrator lol
HHaaaaaaaaa mmmmn vibrator
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I guess crabs is what I get for sleeping with my ex.
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Randomize
