the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
How did it go last night?
Woke up head half shaved and a burrito? So good and bad?
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
Randomize
