I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
btw I told him that the only way he was gonna get to eat you out was if he smothered your vag with grits..
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
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