Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I'm standing in line at the liquor store and they're making popcorn.
He snuck out of bed at 9 am and came back with pizza and a bottle of wine. I think I'm in love!
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
