I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
See this is where I mess up.. I get distracted by the option of consistent sex and free beer
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
