Why are there so many empty soda cans in my room?
You put them in a circle around your bed and said it was the best way to ward of the witches from hocus pocus....then you remembered you needed salt too. I'm assuming you havent gone to the bathroom yet.
I just threw up, I'm either bulemic or pregnant, and I'm now accepting bets on which it is
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
He's my ex's boss. I'm not above sleeping with him for that fact alone.
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Dude i just passed out while getting head...she cried
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